So whats up with fudou anyways?
by TalonSharplyRising
Summary: Ok, we all know Mr. Crazy here. After seeing some of Fudou in action, I needed to write this. A fic about fudou. Warning: insanly silly and crazy fic..and by that i mean funny. But not silly to a stupid piont one would hope.tell me watcha think! CH. 2 UP!
1. So what is up with fudou?

So, what's scarier than a certain 6' 5" blonde man with long wavy hair, a mechanical arm, and a rather critical craving for desire? You guessed it! A 6' 5" blonde man with long wavy hair, a mechanical arm, and a rather critical craving for desire as a chibi… A hungry chibi!

Sheer humor must result…am I right?

Disclaimer: although I love Get Backers and poking fun at Fudou (why not!) I sadly do not own it; blah blah blah… take any credit…that stuff. TT

First funny fic (for the hell of it kind) PLEASE READ and enjoy!

INTRO: From Talonsharplyrising

His name is Takuma Fudou. Everyone knows him as that psychotic man who is after the Great Ban Midou. Sure, He's known for his wild hair, raging temper, and his questioning of sexual preference (does he really want to _KILL_ Ban? Or was he just hitting on him? Or perhaps a bit of both? Was he sitting on a_ BED_ in that episode where they were about to fight? Why does he jiggle that hand at ban like that? Is he hinting something? How many licks _DOES_ it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop? The world may never know…)

But there is a lot unknown about Fudou. It leaves many (including myself) curious about him. How exactly did he get his powers? (Did he train in some Buddhist temple to reach enlightenment? (Pictures him in a monk robes and laughs)). More than that, how did he end up with that eye patch? Every time I think about it, I picture that comic I made. That's when the Jag-off was invented, since the jag"on" didn't work. Use your imagination on that one because this is rated T.

Children, don't run with scissors. Fudou is a bad example of this.

But then again after studying the very make up of anime characters out of sheer boredom, I can explain some significant symbols and facts that Fudou has about him that I don't think he knows of. One of the more obvious things I noted was the fact that he is half blind, but yet he can see partially or "half" into the future. In Many famous works of literature, especially Greek and Roman (such as Oedipus and the Odyssey), the prophet that can see into the future is entirely blind, therefore sacrificing sights for a stronger sense of sight. We can now agree that Fudou is quite well balanced. Another thing is his Coliseum. What a better place for Fudou to fight in! He would do well as a Roman, bloody, bloody times! And the fact that Fudou is very ironic. Enlightenment Is a spiritual accomplishment, one of the greatest you can ever achieve in the name of peace happiness good and well, for Fudou that one was wiped out with the plague.

So why is he so funny? Well we don't need Makubex for this one. Or maybe you do, because 50 Fudou clones all shouting bad things are funny. And Ban calls Akabane the pervert TT.

Now to be honest, I am a Ban fan. I just get crap from my friends about Fudou. I even have his hair type. See how Fudou is making me ironic? Aha! Now, this is called the Fudou effect. You have been diagnosed with the Fudou effect if you have one or more of the following symptoms:

1) I certain need to wiggle your fingers (preferably on your left hand)

2) The need to make big goofy grins and laugh like a maniac for no reason

3) A lot of things end up being ironic

4) A compelling urge to stroke every Piece of Ban merchandise you come in contact with (Yes…I have been diagnosed a long time ago… its hopeless so don't tell the doctors)

5) You want to rip Kagami's Designer clothes. Why? Because it's shiny! And he's too flashy. And you have knives in your arm. And because you can… why else?

6) You go crazy after hearing the song "shake ya Bon Bon"

7) Purple glasses turn you on

And now that I have enlightened you on some very interesting views on the one and only Takuma Fudou, Please keep this in mind as the chapters roll in. For nothing but crazyness will follow.

Thankyou

This has been a live report from Bans car (SHH!)

Chapter 2 coming soon! Let the adventure begin!

talonsharplyrising


	2. A day in the life of takuma fudou

CHAPTER 2!

AND SO…As you left me off—

On my heroic quest to discover and explore the mind and bod– wait wait wait. That's just awkward sounding. IN ORDER to find out more about Fudou, I knew there were some key things I would need to do!

At some time I would need to:

Confront Ban\

The dangerous task of : confronting Fudou himself

Collect reports from every happening that occurs. From Fudou's daily life to his… not… so daily life. This would involve hiring some people for the task. I, Talon, Am putting my life on the very line. (Just wait until I do the same to Kagami for his story T.T )

This is a report from Talon, signing off.

Reflecting from the many reports I have taken, I have good news: I'm still alive! And the better news is that I live to tell my… oddly interesting adventures. I must admit of all people, I had no idea this would end up backfiring the way it did. Best report for last of course, so here goes the first one!

Report 1: A day in the life of Takuma Fudou.

After paying Makubex to rig up cameras all over the fortress, especially Fudous' rooms, I left for a day, not to return until late that night to collect the tapes that I requested he make. The report went very well, and the data gained was phenomenal, shocking, Enlightening— well…..

I sit down happily at the Honkytonk as I place the disk into my laptop. Paul raises an eyebrow as he grin at him and wave, requesting a nice Chai Tea. Trust the cute blonde girls. They are always up to no good. The Honkytonk is Empty as the tape begins to play, but I have a feeling it won't be for very long.

7 AM, Fudous Room.

Who would have thought that Fudou's room would look so normal? Well, except for the occasional slash marks on the wall and desk, the questionably sanitary sheets, and…. The ban plushie near his pillow. Yes. We'll need further research on that one.

Fudou is seen getting out of his bed, mumbling something. My eyes widen to realize he was only in his boxers and I slam the laptop shut. Paul jumps slightly at this slamming motion and gives me a "yoi are up to no good aren't you" stare.

"Talon! Are you looking at Hentai again!"

My eyes widen. "NO!" ok.. one thing is for sure. Fudou is not hentai. Nor will he ever be. (Now that that is cleared, I can rest in peace) …well.. I bet Fudou yaoi exists out there. Somewhere. But.. That's not my mission. "It was.. A bad advertisement! You no… those ones asking you to enlarge things and such!" Pauls cheeks flush in embarrassment and he turns back to his paper. "Sorry." He mutters.

"eh its ok… Wait a min. WHAT YOU MEAN "AGAIN!""

"Did some one say hentai?" Emishi's voice was heard as he walked in.

"No its better." I say with sarcasm the whip dancing man cannot seem to pick up on. He rushes over to my surprise.

No matter how traumatizing, this mission WILL CARRY THROUGH! I slowly open the laptop on and sigh in relief to see him in his pants, getting into his shirt. All right, so his style is a little whacked, but he got off to a pretty normal start for being Fudou. … I love it how I jinx myself.

"….Is that Fudou? Fudou is hentai?" Emishi's eyes widen as he watches what is on my screen.

I twitch again and slam my fist down on the table. "For the LAST TIME! FUDOU IS NOT HENTAI!"

Paul looks back up at this, an awkward silence following.

"Then why is he on the screen? Are you stalking him?" Emishi scratches at his head. "hun.. If that's the case you need a real man!" he shrugs his eyebrows at me a few times and I shudder.

"I'm going to have ban hang your ass from a flag pole if you place a finger on me. And no. This is for a report!"

Emishi raises another eyebrow. "…How do you intend on doing that?"

"Its quite simple Emishi" I announce. "I must find out as much information as possible about him and then---"

"Nono.. I meant. How do you intend to have ban hang my ass from a flagpole?"

I sigh. "Of all people, Emishi. You should know! You are distracting me from my mission. Shouldn't Shido have you on a leash!" I watch the screen again.

Hmm.. So Fudou likes cereal. I sit back and think. Its odd seeing Fudou live such a normal life. So where does he differ? Ahh. Bingo. Toothpaste.

"Mido…midomidomidomido!" He squeezes the toothpaste hard with his left hand. "Aha.. So he does think about Ban in the morning." I make a note.

"BAN-CHAN IN THE MORNING! BAN-CHAN IN THE EVENING! BAN-CHAN AT SUPPER TIME!" Emishi twirls around.

"SHUT UP DAMN YOU!" I watch Fudou brush his teeth. Hmm. He seems to be brushing in quite the aggressive manner. I think I read a quiz like that once in some girlie magazine. "Depending on how he brushes his teeth reflects how he—" oh wait. Wrong article. Never mind then.

Now things are getting interesting. Fudou leaves his rooms and moves out into the halls of the limitless fortress. The camera switches to camera 3, which tells me Makubex is doing a wonderful job keeping track on this mission. Kagami is seen walking down the hallway. They meet and talk. Everything seems to be going normal. I suddenly feel like I'm watching a Sims game and I could click: "flirt" or "punch' above their heads at any time. Guess I wont need to after all.

"YOU SON OF A—"

CHINK RIIIIIPPPPPPPPPP!

And now Kagami has only half a shirt on. Kagami yells and stamps his foot, holding his hand out to threaten the enlightened man with his Diamond Dust. Fudou just laughs.

"Take that Girlie man! AHAHAHA!" Fudou gives his grin. No I'm sorry, His TM grin and moves off down the hall. Wow. The amount of testosterone flowing through his veins must be record breaking. Maybe Fudou has a hormonal issue? Maybe he has YYX chromosomes. YYX meaning a man was given two Y-chromosomes and one X. this causes them to be very tall and very aggressive instead of the usual male YX chromosomal pair. Well Fudou is 6' 5". Perhaps Another possible explanation. Wow this IS very interesting.

Makubex is taking this time to now set up the one dangerous test I had asked of him. When Fudou comes back you'll see just how dangerous his task is. I appreciate just how willingly Makubex agreed to this.

Ok. We've seen Fudou at his Fudou-yness peak. He has been out attacking the midfloors for about three hours now and comes back into his room sweaty looking and blades splattered with blood on Camera 6.

By now Shido was in watching this too, who came in looking for Emishi. This was a good thing. It helped because Emishi now kept his mouth shut. Natsumi who had come in for work was also watching this behind me while drying dishes. Though personally I think Fudou is scaring her.

We watch Fudou clean off his blades at a sink in his room. He turns around about to move for the shower when my test starts.

"shake ya bon bon shake ya bon bon shake ya bon bon!"

"MIIIIIIDDDOOOOOOOOOO!" Fudou is suddenly struck with uncontrollable insanity. He is seen on the camera yelling in a rage and running off screen. Suddenly heavy objects such as books and dishes are seen being flung into view. My eyes widen as a heavy chair in thrown in the wrong place, smashing into the camera so everything is fuzzed for a moment and the camera is now facing the ceiling, knocked off the shelf it was carefully placed on. Fudou is still heard screaming as the song continues on. The camera shifts and blacks out as Fudou rolls over it on the floor yelling, fingers seen wiggling for a moment. Blades suddenly fall down and the camera is dead, nothing but gray static shown.

Another camera is turned on. Camera 2… is that Fudou's.. nose? What the—

"Where the hell is that…" Shido's eyes are also wide, remembering how hard it was to fight Fudou back in the fortress. Fudou's nose twitches a little on the camera and a snort is heard before he shifts up a bit to show his mouth for a second and then back to his nose. It wiggles again, shuffling heard. What in gods name?

Camera 4 is now put on, the time labeled 6 pm. Singing in heard before Fudou comes out of the shower in a towel and moves over to his closet. He opens the door to reveal a whole closet full of the same outfit. Fudou sings? The camera cuts off.

Camera5 is now turned on, a nice view of dinner at the fortress. A nice long table is set up with a tablecloth and Makubex, kagami, Juubei and a few others including our Fudou are seen sitting at the table. Sakura spins in with a tray of hamburgers for dinner. "Amburgers and Woot beer for Makubex's dinner! She squeals happily and serves everyone.

"This hamburger is Midou! And I shall devour him alive!" Fudou shouts as he attacks his dinner.

"Fudou sama!" Sakura shouts in a high voice. "That's enough Fudou! Speak or eat! Choose one!"

Back to camera 1, Fudou is seen meditating on his bed, hair flying around him. "TWO SECONDS!" he throws a hair brush out the window at kagami below. Fudou then goes back to blow-drying his hair.

Camera 1 cuts off to about 8 PM.

"I'll get you my pretty! And you're little earring too! MUAHHAHA"

Fudou is seen sleeping in his bed at 11 PM, snoring softly.

"mmm..mm…. mido…. Mm…. Mmmm.. mido…. Miiiidoooo! MIDO! Mmm…."

Satisfied, I shut my laptop, stick it into my bag, collect my notes and pick up my awaiting chai. Emishi and Shido are still in slight shock as is Natsumi as I casually wave goodbye and leave the HonkyTonk. I see a familiar White Bug car pull in. Oh, the things Ban doesn't know. I should wait to tell him. Spare him some insanity for the day!

Chapter 2 done! Lemme know how its commin along!

Chapter 3 awaits you're viewing soon! Interviews On opinions about Fudou…and possibly Ban!

Like the idea of Fudou in a strait jacket?

Pleaz review! 3


	3. 2 interviews done and an evil plan

CHAPTER 3 – An interview and a possible death wish---

-

The road winds slowly around the city. A soft yawn is heard from the man sitting behind the wheel at my right. I toss a bag of chips back at the growling stomach in the backseat to hear a happy reply from the hungry blonde.

"Ginji, don't chew so loud." Ban grumbles as I watch the scenery reflect and pass by on the jagan wielders' purple glasses.

"But Ban…they're so crunchy!…. and good… hehehe"

I sigh and toss a second bag into bans lap in which he nearly abandons the wheel to snatch up and eat, totally forgetting about Ginji's loud crunches behind him. Sometimes I wonder why Ban is my favorite bishie. Oh well. Somethings the world may never know.

"So…" Ban takes the wheel just in time to make a sharp turn back into the city. I hear Ginji slide from point A to point B behind us. "What did ya need to talk to me about?"

I grin faintly as I pick up my notebook. "Well you see Ban-chan," I click my pen on my shoulder and look over at him. "I'm… doing a project and it involves, um, conflicts with my friends. So… how do you feel about Fudou?"

I hear ban cough on a chip slightly and the car swerve. "What! How do you think I feel!"

"Well, I understand – BAN KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE ROAD— you two aren't friends, obviously." I say defensively, gripping the sides of the car. "jeeze!"

"I don't understand how knowing about fudou will help anything."

"Pllleaaasseee ban?" I hold up some pocky

"Well then, you're underestimating the topic." he took it and slipped it into the pocket of his shirt. "Fudou was strong. But with our last meeting, there's no way he could have survived."

"Nonono." I attempted to correct him. "He's alive. He just lives in the fortress."

"No he's not"

"yes he is"

"NO hes NOT"

"well in that case Shido did a very, very good job of saving the day" oh snap. I said the "s" word.

"……………."

"……………."

"…..maybe ."

"Want me to prove it?"

"you're asking for a deathwish, Talon. ... AHK! GINJI! DON'T REACH FOR THE POCKY WHILE I'M DRIVING!"

-

Saturday, May 13th

...And so went the conversation between Ban and I. Well, I imagined it would go something along those lines. Well, Makubex had been amusing. Makubex had put up with Fudou's violent antics for a while now. It was not unusual for him to shake his head and sweat-drop as he spoke the words: "Fudou, please calm down. Your fly is unzipped"

That had been an interesting interview:

"Fudou was powerful. I knew he would help me if he joined, and him being on my side, would not be a threat to me. You see my logic" the fair-haired boy calmly replied as he munched on some rice, chop sticks in hand.

I nodded. "yes, clear as crystal. But was it really worth it?"

He sighed. "Fudou was not easy to control. He and Juubei did not get along well. There was that one incidence that occurred when Fudou got revenge on the needle user by urinating in his shoe…."

The scene was all too clear in Makubex's head:

-

_"Fudou! Did you piss is juubeis' shoe again!"_ Sakura had squealed. _"Nono! Juubei don't stick your foot in there!—oh Juubei!"_

In over hearing this, Makubex calmly proceeded to his room to take two aspirin.

-

"Long night?" I ask. Makubex nodded and sweat dropped. I could only imagine what was in kagami's closet.

"I think I know more about that man than anyone else some times" Makubex sighed. "He and Kagami were complete opposites. I think that's why Fudou well.. Takes it out on him."

"Have you ever had to deal with him like that?" I ask, nodding as a scribble down notes.

"hmmm… Fudou for the most part listens to me. Though there was this one time he tired to get me to wear purple glasses and an oddly cut white shirt. And I refused to wear the lipstick"

I sweat drop. "Makubex?" I ask, eyes wide.

"Yes, talon?"

"….Don't do drugs, okay?"

"Okay, talon"

-

So went that interview. Makubex was not fairly surprised with the data he collected for me, but did inform me afterwards that he heard Fudou mumble something about tying kagami to a chair and applying makeup to him in his sleep, at around………. Oh, say 3 am?

"I'll do further research on that one"

-

Tuesday, May 16th

I bet Ban's ego went to his head. He claims he is not afraid of Fudou, because Ban the Great does not fear. All right, then I know he won't fear the impossible I'm about to accomplish.

And so, once again, I turn to my good old reliable friend, the one and only Makubex.

Target sighted. A thin and piercing blue eye narrows even further as it locks on the white figure moving across the hall, unsuspecting, calm-- prey.

Footsteps are barely audible. From the blindness behind the patch, the next second was as clear as day. He wouldn't notice him yet. That preppy first class….drama queen. Who the in their right mind wears a white suit when fighting anyway? Well, this fool sure wasn't the brightest bulb in the block. Blades slowly unsheathe. Suddenly, he could see it! The unsuspecting kagami slowly began to turn his head to look in his direction. Well as soon as Fudou saw this with his enlightment, he struck! He charged forwards, blades swinging wildly in the air. So locked on his target he didn't bother paying further attention to his enlightment. There was no way kagami could escape this shirt ripping!

Kagami stumbled backwards, clothes inches from being cut to shreds when Fudou suddenly felt a piercing pain nip him in well…the behind.

"NLAHH MIDOUUU!" he gripped his rear with the non-bladed hand and turned around in a rage, kagami standing there with a blank stare.

"What just happened?" he blinked

"GAHHHH!" kagami was forced to back up as Fudou roared and thrashed around, trying to hit or slash at anything. But his eye seemed to be dimming. "two….two …se..conds…." he dropped to the floor with a loud thud. "….nn…Midou… avacado"

I stand up victorious from a pile of wires and boxes, an army helmet over my head, walkie-talkie in one hand, and a super concentrated tranquilizer gun in the other. I hold up two fingers towards kagami, dropping the walkie-talkie in the process and grinned in a manner that only reminded the horribly confused diamond man of Emishi. "I just caught me a Fudou-san!"

Kagami just stared.

"What!" I look back at him, lowering the gun. "Aren't ya gonna thank me?"

"I-I-….what in the name of Babylon city are you doing!"

"fine, if you wont thank me, then you're gonna help me carry him to the special room and help me with the strait jacket." I cross my arms

"I—I'm not touching that with a 50 foot pole!" he pointed down at Fudou, a look of pure disgust on his face. "Ever since he— Can I even trust a kid like you with a gun like that!" he gestured towards the gun in my hand.

"Oh this?" I hold it up. "Nah, and I'm not a kid. I'm nearly done with high school. Besides, kagami. I know a lot about gun safety!" I start to pat the gun. "Like ammunition rules. Even if you think the gun is unloaded there still could be a little some—" The gun suddenly fired off and I heard I shriek from Sakura down the hall. Kagami's eyes were wide as he started to back up.

"_AHHHHHH JUUUBEEEIIII! MOTHER FUCKER!"_

"Was that just Sakura!" my jaw drops as I watch kagami sweat drop and we hear a few widows shatter from that high voice. I swear she could suck helium for an ultimate technique. We both here a faint thud in the background a few seconds later.

-

Author note:

That's all for now, stay tuned for more chaos once Ban sees his little surprise in the next chapter. Cue evil laughter

Watcha think? Lemme know and review!


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